To somebody who never was a lover and maybe isn’t a friend anymore,
I have been meaning to write this for a long time. I guess, now is the time.I have our pictures on my phone and whenever I want to see you, I see them. And whenever I see those pictures, I go through a roller coaster of emotions. It is in these moments I stand puzzled wondering if I should cry that you aren’t with me, or I should be glad that we happened. Most of the days, I am broken. But today, I am devastated, which tempted me to write.
All I wish for is to forget. I want to scream at you. I know I can’t. But I am trying to forget you. I have always mocked the idea of time machine and time travel. But now, I wish we had a time machine so that I could time travel and go back to the past and finish everything before it even started or I could travel to the future and see how it would end. It would have saved both of us from a lot of pain. No? I mean, I don’t know about you; but it certainly would have saved me from a great deal of pain. LIKE A LOT.
I was already like broken pieces of a glass, scattered all over, trying to pick them up but you walked all over me to break me into further more fragments – those fragments got scattered – and now I can’t seem to find them to assemble and be ready to face another storm. You were a path less traveled. I should have known that loving you was embarking on a one-way road journey, and no matter how hard or how much I would try, there would be no going back.
When you left, you should have taken your memories away with you as well. You were like a beautiful dream to me, my miracle. My ball of happiness. I always wondered how something as beautiful as love could turn into nightmares. Then we happened, and I had no questions to ask or wonder about. Reality frightens me.
You left me like I never mattered or cared. I don’t know if it’s the reality or not, but that’s how I feel now. And it is dreadful. This feeling – right here – kills me, slowly, day by day. [I wish I were addicted to cigarettes and not a human like you]. There are days, I want to cry. But I am so numb that tears no longer flow down my cheeks. So I scream. I scream from inside. And on some days, I cry like I have never cried ever before. It destroys me, crushes my bones, and torments my soul. You would always ask me to tell you how I felt, or scream at you. But I couldn’t.
I know I will search for you in everyone I come across, and maybe, that’s the reason why I am left all alone at the end of the day. I laugh with many. They fail to see what lies behind this laughing face. And in those times, I am reminded of how you would break every facade I used to put up. My pain is visible in my laughter. But you can’t see it. I wish you could like the old times.
So, now, all I hope and ask is for you to come back/stay and save me from drowning in the ocean of tears, loneliness, and despair. Everyone says that my hope is of no use and that I am wasting my time. I can’t make them understand – “Hope is a very good thing; maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.” I wish it to turn out to be true. I have lost enough. I don’t want to lose more. I ask nothing more than you being by my side as a friend till I grow old. Maybe’s and silences are brutal.
-The Broken Girl
“Don’t forget to remember, if you’re not smiling you’re doing it wrong”- Alex Wassabi(YouTuber)