For a majority of my life, I have felt worthless and insignificant. I’ve felt as though I’m not good enough and never will be. I have felt like I have nothing to live for as if I was simply put on earth to use up oxygen. Some of these emotions are part of me, not just consuming my thoughts but also affecting my confidence. I can’t even begin to explain how hard it is to pick yourself back up after being as low as you can go. I’ve had thoughts of suicide, but I’ve never gone that far because I remember that eventually things always seem to get better.
The truth is, I may never feel good enough. I may never feel smart enough. I may never feel in control of myself. And although this is true, I want to conquer negative emotions. I think a part of me is afraid of getting better because I’m afraid of achieving greatness. If I reach a place of success, will someone take it from me? I know this is negative thinking and because of it I’ve exiled myself away from most of my family and friends. I’ve become a loner in the world.
Things happen to us that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair, but in reflection, we find that without overcoming obstacles we’d have never realized our potential, strength or ability. I think that everything happens for a reason and nothing happens by chance luck. Illness, injury, love, moments of greatness or complete stupidity test the limits of our inner selves.
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“Don’t forget to remember, if you’re not smiling you’re doing it wrong”- Alex Wassabi